Sample scene from MID-LIFE CRISIS by Stephen Schlich


Still empty. Earl reads a comic book. Walter labels plastic
pill bottles at the pharmacy counter. Filled prescriptions.

A bell hung on the door RINGS as Tiffany enters. She
meanders to Walter's counter while trying to minimize the
tear in her dress.

I'd like some cocaine, please.
Three grams.

Walter's mouth hangs open for a beat.

She smiles, reaches beneath his chin and closes his mouth.

__________TIFFANY (Cont'd)
You are the pharmacist?

You're Tiffany Bloom.

She smiles and curtseys.

I'll have an autographed picture
sent over. Can I have my coke

Walter works his mouth wordlessly. Finally:

I-I need a prescription.

It's Tiffany's turn to skip a beat. She gestures and
exaggerates a Mexican accent:

Badges? We don't gotta show no
stinking badges!

Walter squeaks out an uncomfortable laugh.

I don't know if we have any.
There's not much call for it.

Could you check? It's important.

She produces a $100 bill and stuffs it into Walter's pocket
with a wink.

__________TIFFANY (Cont'd)
Keep the change.

A beat. Walter goes into the fishbowl room behind him.
Tiffany checks out the pill bottles on the counter.

Earl watches her like a hawk.

The bell on the door RINGS again. It's Edward Gorham.
He stops near Earl but calls to the back of the store:

Hello? Anyone here?

Walter returns to the counter. Tiffany's gone.

__________GORHAM (Cont'd)
I'm looking for Tiffany Bloom.

Walter looks around, bewildered. Where'd she go?

He feels a hand on his leg. She's hiding under the
counter! She holds an imploring finger to her lips.

Walter looks from her to Gorham and back as if watching

__________GORHAM (Cont'd)
A beautiful, blonde bitch. You'd
know her in a minute.

Tiffany flips him off from her hiding place.

She, uh --

Her hand creeps up his thigh.

__________WALTER (Cont'd)
-- she was here.

Gorham heads for the door. Tiffany SNEEZES. It's a
light, hissing female sneeze. Gorham stops, looks around.

Tiffany lifts her hand off the floor and examines it.
Dust. She SNEEZES again. Gorham looks straight at Walter.

Walter pulls a handkerchief from his pants pocket. He
BLOWS his nose and shrugs.

Gorham frowns and leaves without a word.

__________WALTER (Cont'd)
He's gone.

Tiffany gets up and kisses him lightly on the cheek.
Then she flaunts her body, caresses his arm and pours
on the honey:

Thank you --

She scans his name tag.

__________TIFFANY (Cont'd)
-- Walter. I hate that man.

Am I a beautiful, blonde bitch?

Walter's flustered. Earl is slack-jawed.

I-I don't have any cocaine.

Nobody does any more. Well, what
DO you have? Darvon? Percodan?

She sorts through the prescriptions on the counter,
finds one she likes, and takes it.

__________TIFFANY (Cont'd)
Codeine. That'll do.

Walter reaches for the bottle. She holds it out of
his reach, casually.

That's a prescription.
I could lose my license.

God, I hate the provinces. Listen
to me. I have a standing
prescription at Hollywood Drugs.
I'm not some druggie off the
street. I'm Tiffany Bloom!

You were so good in Special
Delivery. In all your films.

This is real life. And I'm just a
tired actress who wants a little
You've seen all my films?

More than once.

You need a life. Come to think of
it, so do I.

She leaves -- with the prescription. Earl tries to stop
her, but she brushes him aside.

Walter stares after her, then shrugs at Earl.

He remembers the $100 bill, pulls it from his pocket and
frowns at it.

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